Kenshin-Rella
by Risako-chan
Summary: Cinderella in a twisted, Runrouni Kenshin way. A parody!


Kenshin-rella

Konbanwa, minna! This is my first fanfic, and it's gonna be real boring. Gomen nasai. Guess I'm gonna slave overnight to finish this fic and dump it outta my head. I finally know how Chibi Kitsune-chan feels when she has a lot of fic ideas in her head. Flames and criticism are very welcome at [risako_chan@yahoo.com][1]. 

Disclaimer: I don't own them. Please don't sue. I'm only a destitute author. I swear I don't own the characters.

And Chibi Kitsune-chan, please don't sue too. I took your idea on dressing Yahiko in pink… you don't mind, do you? I'm torturing him too! ::heehee::

:: - character action

# - character thoughts

- character comments

--*--*--*--*--

Once upon a time, there lived a person named Kenshin. Although he was born to a very affluent family, his mother died giving birth to him, and years later, his father remarried a woman named Kaoru. His stepmother, being cruel like all the other stepmothers in fairy tales, forced him to become practically their slave after his father died. 

^*^*^*^*^

Kaoru raps Risako on her head with her bokken: "Hey, why am I the evil stepmother? Why can't I be hooked up with my beloved Kenshin?"

Yahiko interrupts Risako before she could answer: "One, because you are an old busu. Two, because you ARE evil by nature. Three, because you do force Kenshin to become practically your slave. Four, because Kenshin deserves to live a long life without being poisoned by your lousy cooking!"

Smoke comes out of Kaoru's ears. She chases Yahiko around the dojo and snatches of their conversation floats past. "Stop running! Who are you calling evil?!" "You old busu! Get away from me #$&*- ouch!" The rest just sweatdrops and heaves a big sigh. 

Kenshin:"Oro~… Risako-dono, will I get to marry a beautiful wife and live in luxury eventually? I don't like doing the laundry very much…"

Risako:" Ken-nii…bear with it a little longer, OK? I'm doing my best!"

^*^*^*^*^

Poor Kenshin was forced to do work like washing the dishes and laundry, cooking and cleaning the chimney. The latter was very hard for Kenshin, as he was vertically-challenged (read: too short).

^*^*^*^*^

Kenshin:" Oro~… Risako-dono…" #I'm not short! Well, not VERY short…#

Risako-chan:" ::threatening voice:: What, Ken-nii? Do you have anything to say about my fic? ::fingers her bokken::" #What a coward. Well, I'm glad Kaoru gave me this bokken. Hehhehheh!#

Kenshin:" ::sweatdrops:: Oro~… #I wonder where she got that bokken from. Oh no! Kaoru-dono!#

^*^*^*^*^

Anyway, Kaoru had two sons, Enishi and Saitou. Who are both as ugly as their old busu "mother"-YahikoHey! Enishi is NOT ugly! I'll get you for saying that…wait and see!-Risako-chan Although those two are basically good deep inside, they are a little off their rocker. Enishi would see this imaginary girl whom he insisted was really his older sister who was killed by Kenshin how? A laundry pail? ::grin::. He would talk to her and tell her that he would torture Kenshin for the rest of his life. As for Saitou, he thinks that he is a wolf or a policeman, and, for some unknown reason, always wanted to kill Kenshin. Saitou also has this very weird habit of saying "ahou" in almost every sentence. The two of them would make Kenshin polish their swords, and also practise their sword skills on Kenshin. As Kenshin was very uncoordinated and very lousy with swords, he would always end up with tattered clothes and a battered and bruised body after every practice.

^*^*^*^*^

Kenshin:"::sweatdrops:: Or-"

Risako-chan:"::interrupts:: Stop oro-ing. This is MY fic, and I can do whatever I want with it ::bossy voice::"

Meanwhile, Yahiko and Kaoru are still running around the dojo, and the rest are sipping their tea and pretending that everyone was in their right minds.

^*^*^*^*^

One day, while Kenshin was doing the laundry, someone knocked on the front door. Kenshin opened the door, and found a handsome young man on the front step. #I wonder who he's looking for. The only woman in this house is stepmom…… but isn't he a little too young?# The young man's tag introduced himself as Shinomori Aoshi, butler of the Princess Misao. He handed Kenshin a card. Kenshin, with his hands still covered with soap suds, promptly wet the card, and without another word, the man named Aoshi left. #What a weird man…is he a mute?# Just as he was closing the door, Kaoru came down the stairs. "Who was that, Kenshin?"

Kenshin passed the soaked card to Kaoru. As the writing was all smudged, they could barely make out anything, except for the few phrases like "Princess Misao", "ball", "choose" and "eligible man". Fortunately, Kaoru could figure out that it was an invitation card to a ball for the King to choose an eligible man for his daughter, Misao. The problem was, the date, time and place of the ball could not be seen. While fretting and trying to figure out what else was written on the card, Kaoru used the wooden fan that she carried wherever she went to hit Kenshin on his head, muttering things like "baka", "why did I ever let him stay here", "why couldn't I just find a proper butler who won't mess up the invitation card to what seems like the most important ball of the century", et cetera. Kenshin:"::lightbulb appearing over his head:: Why don't you ask one of your friends about the date, time and place of the ball?"

Kaoru:"::trying to save face:: Of course I will! That was exactly what I was just planning to do! Do you think that I am stupid enough to need you to teach me what to do?"

^*^*^*^*^

Misao:"HEY!!! Aoshi-sama is NOT a mute! You'd better watch your words, Risako-chan, or I'll torture you… with my kunais…"

Megumi:" Actually, Kaoru is stupid enough for Ken-san to teach her. ::fox ears appears:: That's why I will have the responsibilty of seducing Ken-san, ne? Ohohohoho…"

::All sweatdrops::

^*^*^*^*^

OK, now we fast-forward to the day of the ball. (Yes, Kaoru managed to find out the date and time and place… unfortunately for Enishi and Saitou) Enishi and Saitou are grumbling to themselves about grown men being pushed around by old ladies. Poor Kenshin is in a frenzy, trying to do everything that Kaoru is ordering him to… Iron her dress, do her hair, dress Enishi and Saitou… finally, they leave for the ball, Enishi and Saitou being dragged off by their ears. The house is finally quiet, and Kenshin returns to his shed. #I wonder how that princess looks like. I've heard that she is really pretty, but tomboyish. Oh! And short too… hmm… she'll be just right. Short girl with short guy, right?# #I wish I could go too. I wanna have fun instead of doing the housework and house-sitting.# ::Heaves a big sigh:: Suddenly, a huge puff of pink smoke appeared, and a little boy in a pink dress and pink ribbon and pink shoes and pink wand appeared.

^*^*^*^*^

Yahiko:"::fumes:: HEY!!! Why me again! You and Chibi Kitsune-chan both have this thing about dressing little boys up in pink, don't you?"

Risako-chan:" (after adding the Yahiko-in-pink disclaimer) Hah! Serves you right for saying that Enishi is ugly! ::swoons:: my Enishi-sama...…"

Risako-chan:"::sweetly:: take that as your training then, Yahiko-chan!"

Yahiko:"::angrily:: don't call me chan!!!!!!"

Misao:"::adds in:: And I'm NOT SHORT!!!"

Both of them brandish their weapons. Risako-chan cowers behind Kenshin. Misao and Yahiko end up hurting Kenshin.

Kenshin:"::with kunais and bumps(caused by Yahiko's bokken) all over his body:: ::in a weak voice:: oro~::whimpers:: Risako-dono…" He tumbled spiral-eyed onto the floor

::Everyone sweatdrops::

^*^*^*^*^

Kenshin gaped in horror and moved further away from the pink monster. #ohmigod! Who/what is this? Is it a human boy or a demon?# ::shudders:: The thing in pink glared at Kenshin and shouted:" Alright, alright! Stop looking at my pink ensemble already! I'm not a freak, you know! I'm your guardian angel!"

Kenshin just continued to gape. #oro~… what did I do in my past life to get a guardian angel like this?!?# The pink thing a.k.a. Kenshin's guardian angel narrowed his eyes and screamed at Kenshin:" I HEARD THAT!!!!! You were an evil person in your past life, killing thousands of innocent (and some not) people, that's why you have me as your angel! does he realize that he is indirectly admitting that he is less than desirable?-Megumi anyway, Kenshin, I am Yahiko. I am not a GIRL! Just that someone forced me into these pink things. You wanted to go to the ball, right? I shall grant your wish!" 

Yahiko pointed his wand at a still-gaping Kenshin. Suddenly, pink why pink again!!! ::grr::-Yahiko glitter circled Kenshin, and changed his clothes into a bright pink gi and white hakama. ::gleefully:: Pink again!-Risakothe glitter also took off the dirt on his hair, and tied the flaming red bundle up into a neat ponytail with a PINK ribbon ::grin::-Risako-chan.

Kenshin:" ::stammering:: erm…. Th-thank you? B-b-but how do I go there?"

Yahiko sighed. "There is a horse waiting for you outside. Go now. But you must remember that you will change back into your original clothes at the stroke of twelve midnight." With that, he disappeared in a puff of pink smoke.

^*^*^*^*^

Yahiko:"::screaming hysterically:: I HATE PINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Veins popped out from all over his forehead.

Megumi:" Uh-oh, he looks like he's gonna have an epileptic fit."

Risako-chan:" Maybe I shouldn't have used so much pink…. Oh well, who cares."

^*^*^*^*^

In the ballroom.

Princess Misao looked around. Her ladies-in-waiting, as well as her father, and his many bodyguards #paranoid old man#, all crammed into one room. "Father, why can't we just mingle around with the guests instead of staying in this stuffy little room doing nothing?!!? What's the purpose of having a ball?"

King:" ::frowning:: Misao, we have to PICK a perfect man for you. It's easier to see whether he has dandruff from here. ::slyly:: you don't want to marry a man with icky dandruff, do you?"

Misao sighed and kept quiet. #I'll rather practice with my kunais… on his beloved bodyguards#

Suddenly, a murmur ran through the crowd. Misao saw a spot of bright red moving in the crowd. At that moment, the emcee announced that the ball was about to start. And together with her father, Misao went down to the ballroom. The King was then offered to "say a few words", which he accepted gladly, but they were anything but few. On and on did he go about "the good old traditions of picking a suitable partner for children of the royal family"….."never failed"…."young people should follow old traditions"… by the time he approached the ending of his "few words", everyone was asleep on the floor, even Misao and the bodyguards zzzz…(from the speech)…-everyone. Suprisingly, when the emcee announced that the ball was officially started, everyone suddenly woke up and waited to see who the princess would pick for the first dance.

--*--*--*--*--

~~An hour later~~

#Thank goodness the dancing has stopped, even for awhile! I think my toes are going to break!# For the past hour, our lovely short ::brandishing her kunais::R-I-S-A-K-O-C-H-A-N… don't push it…….-Misaoprincess had been dancing with many young men from all over the country. Unfortunately, they were not really good at dancing, and a little too tall for Misao, so the poor princess had her toes stepped on so many times she couldn't be bothered to count. I did! 396 times-KenshinAre you THAT bored? If you are, I can arrange some entertainment…::evil laugh::-Risako-chan Actually, there was one redhead that was pretty graceful…and almost as short as her! Suddenly, the emcee's voice blared out. "Now it's time for the testing of skills. The contestants will fight highly-skilled fighters from the palace, and from their performance, the King and the Princess shall make their choice!" #Man, this sound like a corny TV gameshow.# 

The young men all fought very well, Misao had to admit. Well, all except for one. A certain short and incredibly lousy redhead. But that was what she found him different from the rest. #Clumsy, unskilled in fighting… he was pretty nice too! ::hmmm:: … VERY friendly, and about my size!# A naughty smile appeared on Princess Misao's face as she considered how to convince her father to choose that redhead #erm… I think he mentioned that his name was Kenshin…# 

--*--*--*--*--

~~In the private conference room~~

"Well, now, my darling princess, who do you think is the best choice as your future husband? I think that lad Soujiro is the best. Young, friendly, and definitely the best fighter out of all of them."

"But father, isn't that a bad choice? If he's young, he may be too immature. Friendly to you, definitely, but maybe he's just sucking up to you! I definitely don't want a good fighter for a husband, as he'll be able to bully me!"

"Hmm….. you're right, you know. ::strokes his beard:: then, I guess, you have a better choice?"

Well, yes, actually. You remember that redhead? The awful fighter? I think he's the best choice."

"::spluttering:: B-but… we don't know anything about him! For all you know, he could be a servant! I definitely do not want a servant to be the next king!!"

"Father, he's really nice. As well as a horrible fighter, anyway. He was too refined to be a servant. Why, he was a perfect dancer! A servant wouldn't be able to dance at all, don't you think?"

"Well, fine. You're the one marrying, not me. But I have one last question, my darling daughter."

"What is it?"

"Does he have dandruff?"

*Minna: Fall down*

"FATHER!!!!!! Well… nope! I checked. ::grins::"

::Phew!::

--*--*--*--*--

The irritating emcee was back again. His high-pitched voice echoed in the huge ballroom. "And now, we have the results!!!! The man picked to be our lovely Princess Misao's husband will be announced in a moment! The lucky man is………………………… " the clock struck twelve. #oh, shoot! I have to go! It's already twelve!!!!!!# "…………Mr Kenshin!!!!!!!!!!! Will you please come up to the stage?" Everyone in the ballroom turned, and saw a streak of red run out of the ballroom. 

"Father, that's him!!!! Send your stupid bodyguards after him!" 

"I won't if you call them stupid."

::sweatdropped::#how childish can he get?!?!?# "okok, they're not stupid! Can you PLEASE send them now?"

But by the time the bodyguards rushed out of the ballroom, Kenshin was nowhere in sight. The only thing left was a slipper.

--*--*--*--*--

Luckily for Kenshin, the horse carriage did not turn into pink dust HEY!!-YahikoI thought you were having a fit?-Risako-chan as he expected. Just as he stepped into his brokendown shed, Kenshin's beautiful new clothes changed into sparkling pink powder GRRH-Yahiko::huge grin::-Risako-chanand his old clothes appeared with another puff of pink powder.THAT'S IT! YOU'RE DEAD, RISAKO-CHAN! ::evil laugh::-Yahiko

--*--*--*--*--

The next day, everything was back to normal. Well, almost normal, except that everyone was trying to guess who that "Mr Kenshin" really was. 

In the afternoon, someone knocked on their front door again. Kenshin, aka the butler cum servant cum fashion designer cum everything else opened the door. It was that cold, silent man again. You know, that Shinomori Aoshi. Well, he barged into the living room, with Kenshin frantically trailling behind. He turned around and asked Kenshin:"Are you the only one with red hair here?" 

Kenshin:"#wow! He speaks!!!# AHEM-Misao Y-yeah……"

Suddenly, he was roughly pushed onto a couch and Aoshi stuck a pink slipper under Kenshin's nose. "Wear that."

Obediently, Kenshin did. #this is the slipper I left behind at the palace!# It fit him perfectly. 

"Good. Now, you have to fight with me." Without warning, Aoshi launched an attack at Kenshin, who was too stunned to move. He ended up with bruises all over. 

"Great. Now, come with me to the palace. You're going to marry the princess now."

He dragged Kenshin out of the house, leaving Enishi, Saitou and Kaoru gaping after them, all still in shock.

--*--*--*--*--

::poof!:: Yahiko appeared in a HUUUUUGE hehhehheh!-Ri-chan puff of pink smoke with pink streamers and pink glitter flying everywhere.::veins popping out everywhere-Yahiko::big grin::-Ri-chan

Yahiko-the-pink-fairy-godmother/father:"::glaring at Ri-chan and grumbling under his breath:: ::narrating::And so, that is how Kenshin and Princess Misao got married. Now, Misao practices her kunais on Kenshin everyday, and poor ol Kenshin just lets her beat him up. heehee!!!!- Ri-chan As for Enishi and Saitou, they got married to two of Misao's prettiest ladies-in-waiting I assume Tokio is pretty-Ri-chan, Tokio and Megumi. Megumi cured Enishi of his little psychological problem, and Tokio happens to be the only one that Saitou is polite and not sarcastic to…I wunder how she does that-Ri-chan…as well as the only one he does not use the word "ahou" while talking to. And so, they alll lived happily ever after. Well… at least most of them did…. I'm not sure whether Kenshin feels happy…=) 

^*^*^*^*^

Risako-chan:"::happy sigh:: So, minna, what do you think? Isn't the fic nice?"

An angry and complaining crowd formed around her.

Yahiko:" Enough of the PINK CLOTHES ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ::veins popping out all over his forehead again::"

Sano:"::angrily:: Whaddya think you're doing, matching MY fox with that maniac?!?"

Megumi:"::turns to Sano:: I'm not YOUR fox!!! ::to Risako::why must I go with psycho-boy over there??!?"

Enishi:"I'm not a psycho….::turns to his imaginary sis:: right, neechan?"

Aoshi:"Hey, Misao's mine. NOT ol' Battousai's.::cold glare at Kenshin and Risako-chan::

Kenshin:"::stammers:: C-call me K-kenshin… not B-battousai…(oro~)… and Ri-chan, didn't you promise me that I'll live a good life?"

Kaoru's furious face pops out from nowhere:"::screeches:: Risako-chan! Kenshin is MINE and MINE only!!!"

Misao:"::dreamily:: hey, it won't be all that bad, you know… with Himura to bully all day long.. finally! Someone MY size!::smiles happily::"

Kenshin, Kaoru, Risako-chan and Aoshi:"::flabbergasted:: Oro~!"

Kaoru, Aoshi, Sano, Yahiko and Megumi all brandish their weapons and walks meancingly towards Risako-chan. (uh-oh…. Two bokkens, fists of iron, a medical kit and two kodachis… better scram… FAST!) Suddenly, she bolted out of the dojo, with five furious people hot on her heels.

-*-*-*-*-

~~on the streets~~

WHACK! "…Gomenasai.…"

[From behind her] "RI-SA-KO-CHANNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

#shoot, they're catching up!# Risako-chan looked up and begged the person she bumped into to save her."Please, can you he-" She realized that it was Tasuki, her old friend and longtime crush. She hid behind Tasuki:" Please, Tasuki-kun, save me! Those psychotic people are trying to kill me!!!!"

"Sure, Risako-chan. Lekka SHIEN!!!!!" 

He pointed his tessen towards the group of angry people, and a fire wall formed between them and the people chasing Risako-chan. Tasuki grabbed Risako-chan's hand and the pair ran off together into the sunset.

~Owari~ 

Ending note: Hontou ni arigatou gozaimashita for reading to the end of my very silly fic!

   [1]: mailto: risako_chan@hotmail.com



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